The Long Messy Slog Out of Hell

Dear diary,

Friday night was the first day I intentionally cheated on my diet. I was visiting my mother, helping with some house repairs. When dinner time rolled around, she suggested ordering something for delivery. My first thought was to go to the grocery store and buy some salad stuff. While the place she orders from has a salad – it’s iceberg lettuce with a few tomatoes on it and some shards of carrots – it’s hardly the type of salad I make for myself. They also carry steak and cheese subs, which I normally would have instantly said “yes” to a year ago. I considered ordering one and just throwing away the roll. That seemed wasteful though.

I briefly considered cheating with a big slice of pizza. Technically, I could have pizza and just slide everything off and toss out the bottom and crust. But most pizza places put tons of sugar in the pizza sauce.

“What about buffalo wings?” my mom asked.

Yes! Buffalo wings are allowed on my diet! I’ve made them several times in the last few months. Throw some chicken wings in the oven for a few dozen minutes, take ’em out and toss them with a mixture of Texas Pete’s Hotsauce (no carbs) and a stick of butter (huzzah butter). Mmmm, tasty.

Then a thought occurred to me. What if they used some sort of low-grade artificial sugar-laden sauce? I was hungry now and my mind told me to chance it.

“Barbecue, hot or mild sauce?” asked my mom.

“Barbecue will undoubtably have sugar in it, and I’m not in the mood for spicy. Mild,” I replied.

The order arrived and we sat down. I opened the cover and despaired.

Not only was the sauce thick (meaning it had some sort of thickening agent of either sugar and/or starch) but the chicken itself was breaded and deep fried, most likely in a cheap hydrogenated oil. These were not the buffalo wings I was looking for.

I would have been better off getting the pizza.

Now I was stuck. I was very hungry and I didn’t want to offend my mother by dumping the wings in the garbage. This dinner was her treat. I made the gamble and lost. I had placed myself in the situation and I would have to deal with it. I ate the buffalo wings and tried not to beat myself up internally about it. For a cheat, they weren’t the food fantasy I would have chosen.

I guess the reason it bothered me so, is that I still have a long ways to go. I’m getting impatient. It’s a very long road and while I’m glad I started months ago, I still want to be free of all this weight – *now*.

I have to keep a steady pace. Steady as she goes. I have to remind myself that I am eating healthy. I’ve successfully avoided the jagged rocks of metabolic syndrome and the whirlpool of diabetes. Huzzah. If I stay the course, I’ll reach my destination without a doubt.

No more ordering out for delivery. Drive to the grocery store and get a salad. Lesson learned.

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About Travis Estrella

Polymedia Artist, Life Student, Humanist, Science Advocate, Whackjob Magnet, and Malarkey Detective.

4 responses to “The Long Messy Slog Out of Hell”

  1. Meg Whelan says :

    Have you considered trying a ketogenic diet? I had similar frustrations with a low carb diet until I discovered that Jimmy Moore has been using a ketogenic (low carb, high fat, moderate protein) diet. Once I started the keto journey, I was at my ideal weight within weeks- I only had 10 lbs to lose. Regardless, the energy I have on this diet is reason enough to stay on this diet. I feel and look better than i ever have. The other key is eating high quality food. I cut out all chemicals and only eat pastured, free-range, organic, etc.

    Two great resources: Jimmy Moore’s blog, Weston Price Foundation

    Hope it helps! Hang in there!


    • Travis Estrella says :

      I am losing at the right rate for my tastes. I am familiar with Jimmy Moore and Keto, but my diet suits me fine. It is a sustainable diet with foods that I can afford and like. Once I have extra money, I’ll look into the fancier and pricier foods.

  2. sugarfreelee says :

    Hey Travis,

    I totally am with you on wanting to lose the weight ‘now’! It’s so frustrating when you see progress, and you’re feeling great but you want to be at the finish line right then and there! I know this seems like empty words and I know this isn’t anything you haven’t heard/thought yourself before, but try not to beat yourself up about the wings-you’d have metabolised them quickly and you can’t be 100% on form 100% of the time. The ‘buffalo-wing’ situation will probably happen again but just enjoy it, move on and get back on track. I’m cheering for you!

    • Travis Estrella says :

      Those are fantastic words, nothing empty about them! I guess I’m just scared of starting down a slippery slope in terms of cheating. The only way I was able to give up smoking a few years ago was to just quit them and never look back – food is harder to do that with. I’m afraid I’ll become too relaxed with my choices and fall back down the hole I’ve been digging myself out of. You are right, however, I can’t be laser precision perfect with my diet all the time.

      And thanks for cheering for me. I’m cheering for you, too. We can do this. We got this.

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